As we approach one of the busiest gift exchange seasons of the year, I have a few thoughts to share. Gifts should be from the heart of the giver, to the heart of the receiver. My Lorrieism is that great gifts show that you pay attention to my spoken as well as unspoken language. I enjoy receiving a gift that I admired (presumably unnoticed), only to find out that the giver caught me and in turn surprised me with it. Instantly two gifts come to mind. One is a chocolate jacket. I mentioned to a coworker that chocolate jackets must be out of fashion because I had unsuccessfully searched for one. The very next day my coworker approached me with a chocolate jacket. She stated that it was a gift to herself, she did not wear it, and would like to give it to me. The other is a globe. My godchildren totally shocked me with the gift one year for Mother’s Day. I inquired how did they know I liked World Maps. They replied that when browsing in stores I always stop at any item with a map on it. In each of these scenarios I was pleasantly surprised, but there have been times when I was (for the sake of not sounding ungrateful) simply surprised.
Thoughts for the Giver:
- Know the receiver. Restating that the gift is from your heart to theirs. So, give them something that they enjoy. From the scenarios above, listen to the conversation of the receiver. Generally, people talk about the things they like.
- I need a manicure.
- I could use a pedicure.
- A back rub would be delightful.
- A movie with my spouse without the kids is desperately needed.
When thumbing through magazines or viewing the web, they conversate about what has their attention. People eyes light up, they smile, and their appearance change when excited. When in doubt a general rule of thumb is that practical gifts are awesome. One of the most practical gifts these days are gift cards. From gas, groceries, restaurants, department store, etc. the list is endless. Cash always work and all are great ideas.
- Ask for suggestions. It is simple to say, “What are things that you like? “. Do not ask for suggestions and totally ignore them. I do understand people’s desires can be expensive. But if the suggestions are out of your budget – improvise. I have people in my life with expensive taste and/ or seem to have everything. Never break the bank trying to provide a gift. A gift says I am
thinking about you. Not I can afford you. I have a few expensive taste people in my life, but they also like inexpensive items. I have an expensive taste person that is also frugal. She often saves for her expensive taste, and I am a contributor to the Chanel Purse account.
- Ask someone close to them. Deductive logic is a good way to receive information. Friends may not always focus on likes but they know exactly what their friends do not like. Use the information as leverage and work your way backwards. But there are some good sources of information that you may find. The person that knows my likes and dislikes is my daughter. She knows my intimate feelings well. It is scary how she finishes my sentences, tell people my exact answer to questions, and read my facial expressions perfectly.
- Do not give your desires as a gift. When choosing a gift for someone, make sure to preference their desires over yours. Yes, they may look fabulous in green; but if their favorite color is purple please fight the temptation to buy the green. A desired gift is an appreciated gift.
Sometimes, I feel guilty because I appreciate the thought even if I do not desire the gift. I have the tale of two watches. One watch was received from a boyfriend. He asked if I would like matching watches and I said no. I explained that I have a high metabolic rate resulting in watches having a short life on my arm. I have tried applying a protective cover to the back of the watch that keeps my skin from direct contact, but inevitably watches are a waste of money as a gift for me. The watches were purchased, I never wore mine, and I was received as disrespectful. My girlfriend gave me a watch, I never wore it, she saw it in a draw while helping me pack to move and took it back. She did not express any attitude, she never mentioned it, and our relationship did not suffer.
Feelings of the receiver of unwanted gifts:
- Unwanted gifts are sources of stress to the receiver. No one wants to appear to be ungrateful, but it is hard to be excited about something you do not desire. Personally, I do not regift gifts that I have received (without unsolicited permission). Sometimes the giver knows the gift idea may fail and gives you a way out. But sometimes the gift fail and the giver’s delighted to give it to you. And the dilemma begins for me. I do not desire the gift, I do not want to give it to charity, and it lands in the back of my closet (the land of misfit gifts).
- Forced to lie. How do you respond to questions about gifts you do not desire?
- You avoid the giver therefore no response is needed.
- You lie. By stating out loud, “It is a great gift!” while internally saying, “For someone who wants it.” Meanwhile the gift ages in the land of misfit gifts.
Someone is saying, “This is too much drama to show appreciation.” And you are correct. Just remember the gift is for the receiver and not you. Practical gifts such as gift cards may not say I know you, but they say I am thinking of you. AND CASH IS ALWAYS GOOD.
