Tag: tough love

Love is not the first thing I think of when reflecting on my childhood. As a teenager, I became a foster child. I suffered years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. I lived in survival mode, and I must admit love was learned later. Survival mode + love = tough love. And tough love does not disqualify me as a nurturer.

When I decided to not become a parent, I was instantly attacked for my decision. I was told that it was my duty as a woman to give birth, and it was inhumane of me to lack the desire for children. I began to doubt my worth as a woman. I was unfairly labeled as non-nurturing. And almost convinced that being childless would render me unable to sympathize or have compassion for others. After evaluating my character, I have rejected these false claims.

Things that qualify me as a nurturer:

• I care for others. I want everyone to win, prosper, and succeed. My heart’s desire is for everyone to be the best them possible. But I will not carry the problems, responsibilities, or life of another human.  I feel each person is responsible for their own life choices and happiness. My Lorrieism is the Quicksand Approach. I suggest that individuals move through life at a steady pace. When you feel like your feet are slipping (caught in quicksand), fall backwards.Falling backwards will allow you to free yourself and fully recover. If you are standing and  sinking, make slow steady moves backwards while raising your hands. Do not struggle in one place because you will get stuck. And as a last resort float, breathe, and see your way to safety. If your hands are up, I will throw you a lifeline, give advice, and assist you out of situations.

 

• I am an encourager. Encouragement is powerful.It provokes others to commit, take a stance, and move towards a decision. I welcome the mission of encouraging others with words of affirmation, and kind deeds. Far too often we think of encouragers from a positive perspective; but encouragement also has a negative side. When encouraging, I do not partake in pity parties, self-blame, or enable failure. The tough lover in me will confront to the point of anger. But when a goal is achieved, I will be right there to celebrate.

 

• I am compassionate. I am no stranger to suffering. Honestly, I am more familiar with suffering and surviving than love. I recognize hidden pain, and long for broken people to become whole. But I am not drawn in by sob stories with no suggested solutions. I will not be emotionally lured in and drained by dead end situations. I am strong! And I will assist with looking beyond the failures of life towards overcoming. But if you simply want a listening ear, you must talk to someone else.

 

• I am a giver. Solicitors dream of me. I give from my heart, and it is a joy. Although I give, it is not merely because I was asked; it is because I recognize a need. I am not a bank, and my money does not grow on trees- I earn it.  Being that I earn it, I also choose how to disperse it. I will not repeatedly supply the needs of others. And I do not support luxuries. Luxuries are extras, and  if you cannot maintain the lifestyle desired financial adjustments and/or discipline is needed.

 

• I forgive. My heart has been broken, and I have been disappointed. Yet, I choose to live in forgiveness. I have learned that an unforgiving heart causes personal affliction and self- destruction. Although I forgive, I will end a toxic relationship. My Lorrieism is that forgiveness is detaching from a toxic relationship by attaching to freedom.

I have never cared for what others think of me, but I almost sipped the poison about not being a nurturer. Choosing not to parent did not disqualify as nurturer, it provided me other avenues of nurturing. I am a strong, surviving, loving woman who refuses to be labeled by people who do not understand my heart or identify with my character.