Tag: Dear Wounded Heart

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Dear Wounded Heart – I Cry

An emotion that I wish I could control is crying, but I can’t. I cry when I am joyful, disappointed, and devastated. Yeah, from one extreme to the other, I have a cry inside waiting to erupt. In crying, my heart becomes vulnerable, cleansing my thought, and positioning me for change. Crying is therapeutic because instead of going overboard, it helps me to release. The problem with that is I don’t like to cry, and it’s not always good to approach me when I cry.

My joyful cry usually comes with a look of admiration, satisfaction, a smile, or any combination of the above mentioned. It’s easy to determine that my heart is in awe and in a safe place. So, approaching me may get you a conversation, a fist bump, a hug, or a smile.

The disappointed cry is a little different. I am rolling the situation around in my mind. I need to make sure that I clearly grasp what has taken place. Deciding whether I caused the disappointment or someone else did. Am I prepared for the disappointment, or do I need to retreat to a quiet place and get a hold of myself? I may talk to those close to me or may not, because I am careful about whom I speak around. Sometimes my words come from a raw, thoughtless, and uncensored place.

But then there’s the devastated cry. It comes when blindsided by life. Something detrimental has happened. It’s a life-changing decision. Absolutely no contact or input from outside sources allowed. I may stay home or go to a secluded location. I take a moment to lie in bed for 1 to 3 days while I struggle with the decision and then get up and deal with life.

So why am I telling you this? Maybe you can relate. Maybe it’s information about how to treat your disappointed and devastated cry. Or perhaps I wanted to share with you.

Sincerely,

Healing

 

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Dear Wounded Heart – It’s Time to Get Tired

As a child, I heard my grandmother say things like, “You won’t quit until you get tired.” And with age, what seemed like a strange statement is now a current reality. You really won’t quit until you get tired. So, I suggest to you – IT’S TIME TO GET TIRED.

  • Tired of explaining yourself to people who are determined to see the wrong in everything you say and do.
  • Tired of passing up great opportunities to be the crutch for someone else’s success.
  • Tired of keeping other’s confidence yet have no confidante.
  • Tired of showing up for folk that disappear when you need someone.
  • Tired of saving your money while others play with theirs and leave you responsible.
  • Tired of refusing to burden the ones who quickly burden you.

Tired, tired, tired, and more tired. I will stop with the examples, because this list can become never-ending. So now that you know you are tired. What are you going to do about it? QUIT! Go back to the top of this list and replace Tired of with Quit. So here we go.

  • Quit explaining yourself to people who are determined to see the wrong in everything you say and do.
  • Quit passing up great opportunities to be the crutch for someone else’s success.
  • Quit keeping other’s confidence yet have no confidante.
  • Quit showing up for folk that disappear when you need someone.
  • Quit saving your money while others play with theirs and leave you responsible.
  • Quit refusing to burden the ones who quickly burden you.

In this life, there are those who do, those who don’t, and those that be. Be everything to others that they wish others would be to them, and that’s why we walk around with wounded hearts. It’s time to get tired so you can quit explaining, passing, keeping, showing, saving, refusing for everyone but you. It will not be easy, but you are worth it.

Sincerely,

Healing

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Dear Wounded Heart – Take the Stairs

Dear Wounded Heart,

A wise business owner shared a valuable piece of advice with me. He said, “If presented with an escalator or a flight of stairs, take the stairs.” And although we were talking about business, I took the quote and dissected it. And what I learned is that it applies to many areas of our lives.

We live by phrases like the early bird gets the worm. But many people get up early and lay down to rest late, therefore missing opportunities because they weren’t alert enough to catch them. Lack of knowledge and moving too fast cause us to solicit help from those who make themselves our crutch. Dependency can lead to bondage, and if you don’t move at their pace without the crutch, it causes you to fail. People learn escalators are quicker than stairs until clothing gets caught in one. Then we realize that a malfunctioning escalator can leave us scarred and naked at best, and death is a more devastating reality. But if we take the stairs, we can take time to refresh ourselves; survive on our own merits; hopefully not become a casualty of a desire to succeed quickly.

Early birds, predators, and escalators all have their place in the scheme of things. Fast and furious quick note systems work for some people. But I think I prefer the stairs. When I look back down the staircase, I want to be grateful for a path of integrity. Plans built on learning, trial and error, grit, and room for expansion. I am not trying to convince you how to live your life; I am simply offering a look at the overlooked view from the stairs.

Sincerely,

Healing

 

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Dear Wounded Heart – Never Give Up on Love

I had a messy life, but one thing that I love about myself is that I have never given up on love. I have given up on some people. I’ve taken breaks from relationship building and ended my share of relationships. I survived child abuse, foster care, and two marriages that ended in divorce. Which led me to being a woman in isolation, but I never gave up on love.

Relationships have been hard for me, but I choose to love. I also choose not to listen to those who have allowed fear, doubt, and insecurities caused by unsuccessful relationships to influence me. Truth be told, heartache is part of the love process. But heartache is also a wonderful teacher that causes wise people to establish boundaries.

I live my truth. I own my mistakes. And hopefully, I have learned from heartache and developed a healthy environment of both giving and receiving love. As a healing woman, I recognize that there is a love available that won’t give up on me, either.

Sincerely,

Healing

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Dear Wounded Heart – The Introduction

Ladies, have you ever looked at your date and wondered how you ended up with this person? Do you see a pattern of guys with the same behavior but a new face? It’s good to see this pattern, especially if you don’t want to keep repeating the cycle.

Are we in this cycle because of how we conducted ourselves during the introduction? Have we welcomed and accepted the attention of men that we have no intent to entertain? Were we boisterous about not needing a man, but allowed them to take us out to avoid loneliness? Perhaps we were snobbish, which is a turnoff to a hardworking man, but bait for the chase to a user.

Experience has taught me that men are smarter than we think. And read all our insecurities, lack of boundaries, and character flaws quickly. A healed man runs for an unhealed woman and a predator prey. So, it’s good to see the bad dating practices in our lives, and it’s great to make changes for the better. But where do we start?

We date as healed women. Which means we need to put some work into becoming the women that attracts the men we desire. The process is unique for each of us. Daddy issues, body shaming, unlearned dating techniques, or lack of respect for us require different tactics. Therefore, for a season, we may need to learn and love ourselves.

We can do it! We are worth it! And how wonderful it will be when the healed women in us get introduced to the healed men we desire.

Sincerely,

Healing

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