“If you don’t want me; let me go.” This is a term used in abusive relationships. It states that the abused feels powerless and unable to walk away from the abuser. Therefore, pleading for the abuser to spare them the agony of facing their own personal demise by leaving them. Allowing the abused to emotionally detach themselves from their role of enabling their own abuse (by actively participating in a dead-end relationship). They become the abandoned love one instead of the person seeking love from someone who refused to love them properly. But often the plea falls on deaf ears. Why?
- The abused is a benefit to the abuser. The abused is a source of stability, moral, and financial support. Because the abused is generally a good person, have a good heart, good intentions towards the abuser, faithful, loyal, and entered the relationship showing and hoping to receive love. Before the abuser arrived, the abused focused on themselves and strived towards personal goals. This drive to succeed is what attracted the abuser. You see, the abused is not the problem. The problem is the abuser. The abuser is not worthy of what the abused add to their life. Truth be told, the abuser is happy! Masked by compliments and gifts (that quickly end) the abuser weaseled their way into the heart of the abused. They deceitfully manipulated the abused to upgrade themselves. Gaining status, wealth, and material goods from the hands of the abused.
- The abused is manipulated into pledging to never leave. Abusers often make themselves the victim. Sob stories about family and past relationships lure the abused into vowing to never leave the abuser. But in reality the abuser is manipulative, self-satisfying, express degrading behaviors, and people leave them to save themselves. When the mask has been removed. Now, the abused realize the vow to never leave a person that only intends to destroy them is a mistake. Lured into accepting abuse for the sake of honoring their pledge. Trapped in a vicious cycle of being abused while trying effortlessly to prove they are worthy of love. Staying in a relationship that will destroy the very essence of them.
- The abused is used and discarded. The abuser no longer uses manipulation but full abuse. Masterfully stripping away the abused confidence, self-awareness, self-care, and self-esteem. Shifting the abused attention from themselves to the abuser. The abuser no longer hides their true intent, their lack of respect, and their contempt towards the abused. Once the abused is a shell of their former selves, the abuser admits no attraction or care for the diminished version of the person they created. But will torture and torment for the sheer pleasure of it. Only to declare GAME OVER and discard the abused for a new victim. So, the abuser will let eventually let you go; but not until they render you useless for their purposes.
There is good news! If you do not want me; let me go statements can be prevented. Abusers hate independence, inner strength, and strong qualities therefore never release these qualities. Do not allow an abuser to isolate you from friends and family or destroy your independence. Establish clear boundaries, and once the boundaries are disrespected end the relationship. Never make vows to never leave a relationship; but express a desire to stay acknowledging ties can be severed by ill willed actions and deeds. Remain true to yourself while being a good partner in a relationship. No one should ever be expected to lose themselves in a relationship; a healthy relationship helps discover new levels of you. A good partner accepts your difference and encourages your growth. Recognizes that combining their strength with your strength the two becomes a power couple.
Never ignore the red flags. Does the words and character of the person match? If you meet a person with no personal relationships, family, friends, or coworkers that can vouch for their character; it is probably because no one wants to be around them. Abusers can only hide their true feelings for a short time. They may avoid being around you on a consistent basis for fear of exposure. Allow the relationship time to develop and expose personality flaws. Abuse is real and destructive. Watch out for the wolves in sheep clothing! Do not become fascinated with the thought of love to the point of being manipulated into abuse. You are worthy of real love! Be careful and take care of you. And once you feel like saying “If you do not want me; let me go.” LEAVE!
