I know a lot of people who start with 0% trust and require their trust to be earned. I am the opposite which may be the reason why I have trust issues. I start everyone off at 100% trust and it becomes the individual’s responsibility to maintain 100% trust. As a person is exposed as untrustworthy the trust factor dwindles. By the time the person is discovered to be 80% liar and 20% truth; everything that comes out of their mouth is completely ignored. The 80-20 zone is basically reserved for coworkers. By default, I must share space with them but under no circumstance do I have to hold a conversation about anything outside of our job task. Personal relationship zones are different. By the time, an individual is at 50 liar-50 truth this relationship is in jeopardy of ending (if not already ended). Acquaintances don’t have a zone. They are never formally invited into my personal space; therefore, I am simply responding to non personal questions. For example: How’s your family? How’s work? or similar questions that can be responded too with the proverbial – Fine which is followed by K.I.M (keep it moving). Family members receive a bloodline pass by being allowed in my personal space. There are some family members that receive the one word acquaintance answers and K.I.M (keep it moving). And I do put some family members in the 80 liar-20 truth zone; therefore, I don’t believe a word that comes out of their mouths. And there are some family members that I trust. YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND IF I DON’T TRUST YOU! You are a coworker or an acquaintance at best and a thorn in my side at worst. Remember, I start everyone with 100% trust which makes my tolerance level minimal. Everyone is on the same scale and receive the appropriate zone.
In all fairness to the process. I will not search for information concerning anyone’s character. I personally observe two things which are your words and your deeds (actions). And when they two conflict with each other I tend to trust the deeds. My Lorrieism is what you do is who you are. What you say is what you hope I believe. For clarity I have a few examples.
- Saying you are my friend yet talking behind my back. I follow your action because your action is that of an enemy.
- Saying you love me while expressing no interest in my personal wellbeing. I follow your actions because love cares.
- Saying you respect my work ethics but give me more work and harder task than the other employees. I follow your actions because respect comes with privileges.
Maintaining 100% trust with me should be simple. I don’t hold anyone to a higher standard than I set for myself. Yet gaining my trust starts with two key elements:
- Trust to me is owning the words that come from your mouth. In other words – do what you say! I am not a needy person. I don’t require a lot of time because I enjoy my own company (way too much). I am not the type of person that ask for money, favors, or any of your personal business. Therefore, owning what you say should be easy. Because I don’t ask you for your words – you volunteer them. And if I do ask you for something- NO IS ACCEPTABLE. I prefer an upfront no rather than a blindsided lie.
There are exceptions to every situation. When you find out that you can’t keep your word; immediately relay the change in plans, change of heart, or the simple I am not going to be able to do this. Over committing yourself is a forgivable offense. But lying about why you can’t keep your word, ignoring that you made the commitment, and debating that I misunderstood your intent is not acceptable. These acts of deflection chip away at my level of trust in you. My Lorrieism is that I am finding that people would rather hide a lie than expose the truth and that is not acceptable.
Owning your words covers major territory with me:
- Responsibility– when you honor your word and communicate change in a timely manner, I begin to trust you. I feel that you respect not only your time but my time as well. If the commitment is to me; we both have something at stake.
- Accountability– owning overcommitment and a possible alternate plan shows me that you made a mistake and is offering a correction of action. It says that you are not brushing me off but genuinely want to perform the task, but perhaps at a different time or day.
- Consistency– displays effort and deeds (action). I begin to see you as reliable, because you have shown a habit of doing what you say.
- Faithful– bonds you to your deeds(actions). Faithful is a characteristic that bleeds over into other areas of your life.
2. Trust to me is owning your character flaws. In other words – Be yourself! Introducing me to who you would like to be is stressful for everyone involved. It must be stressful to live a fake existence and it’s stressful realizing someone is fake and has wasted my time. We all have problems so be honest. Honesty uncovers all facades and allow you to be free. It also allows me the option to accept or deny you in my personal space. Eliminating the feeling of betrayal resulting in a prompt ending of relationship. Because anything that was established was not formed in truth. Demoting people from my life is not a goal. I want lasting relationships built on trust. I personally feel awful 
when I discover I can’t trust someone that I have allowed into my personal space. Relationships are freedom based. I want to freely speak, freely love, and genuinely care. That’s not possible without trust. I will accept your ugly truth and reject your beautiful lies every time.
Trust issues have turned me into a social loner. I am the life of the party, I dance, I smile, and I eat but you can’t have my telephone number, address, or any personal information. When the party is over, we will see each other at the next event. I have no desire to build trust in anyone. Painfully, I am finding that many people don’t know how to trust or deserve trust. I feel personally responsible for everything that I know about my circle. I have a responsibility to keep their personal information. I have a responsibility to care and nurture in bad times and love and support in good ones. And I don’t want to be a confidant and nurturer to a deceitful liar because I seriously doubt, they are reciprocating the trust.
