A conversation can quickly go from bad to worse. At the onset of a confrontation stop talking, refocus on the topic, and if the conversation continues resume with mindful words. Confrontation is part of life, but angry outbursts are unacceptable. They are destructive words that can ruin relationships. The best way to deal with angry outbursts is to avoid them. Three ways to avoid angry outbursts are to recognize your triggers, confront lovingly, and retreat.
- Recognize your triggers: There are words, body language, and tones that quickly escalate a conversation from calm to confrontational to an angry outburst. Do not allow this to happen by controlling the tone and preparing for an escape if the conversation escalates. If the person you are speaking with becomes agitated remain focused on the task. Do not be lured into an angry outburst because it becomes a war of words rather than a meaningful conversation.
- Confront lovingly: Before conversing think of how you would feel if the subject matter were presented to you. If it is a conversation with highly sensitive content be extremely selective with words. Avoid placing blame, offensive words, and the use of false content. Sensitive issues can be resolved without an angry outburst when handled with care.
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Retreat: When the conversation shifts from confrontational to angry outburst there is no need to continue. If possible, state that the conversation is out of control and suggest walking away.
But if you are engrossed in the outbursts deescalate the situation by becoming quiet. If the other participant continues with outbursts remove yourself. Apologize if you must but leave. After calming down think of a positive way to continue the conversation or accept there is no resolution. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the best resolve.
The penalties of angry outbursts:
- Angry words released from your mouth cannot be retracted. They receive energy from hidden places in the heart where pain, deceit, and misconceptions await the opportunity to display themselves. Control yourself when the conversation shifts to confrontational and prevent the irrevocable angry outburst.
- Angry words can cause permanent damage to relationships. It does not matter who starts the mud-slinging the words are damaging.
The words are hurtful and often intentional. Recovery is possible but both parties will have to own their words and apologize. Time can heal the relationship, but only when there are no repeated outbursts. - An uncontrolled mind has ways of retrieving painful thoughts. A song, place, or feeling can replay the scene and delay healing. When healing from an angry outburst do not ponder on the event by replacing the bad memories with good.
- After an angry outburst one’s character can become tainted. It is one thing to think of someone’s potential to tongue-lash but another thing to be on the receiving end of the tongue-lashing. Even when both parties contribute each seems to devalue the other. It is human nature to look past personal flaws while focusing on the flaws of others but continuing in good character can diminish the tainted opinion.
In conclusion, stop saying things in anger that you do not mean.
It damages relationships, alters how the person feels about you, and the words can never be retracted. The best thing to do is recognize your triggers, confront lovingly, and retreat. Although confrontation is inevitable consider the costs and exclude any conversation unlikely to be resolved.
What do you do when you don’t want to allow the person to get you angry cause you feel that’s their motive. So, you give in to keep the peace, but that’s still a problem with the person and they keep initiating an argument, but you refuse by now just getting quiet. Knowing that your words can hurt and that you can and will say somethings that may or may not be true, but you’re fine with what happened in the past and have really accepted things and moved on, but the person won’t let things go. Now you decide to leave the house and they follow you around the house and then stand in front of the door refusing to let you leave, telling you that you will hear what they have to say and that you will take it and the whole time they are talking, your blood is boiling, your ears are getting hot and your tongue is stretching on the inside of your mouth because it knows it’s getting ready to get worked out, because you’ve now had enough and can no longer hold it in. Then minutes later you realize you’ve told him that he’s wasted skin, stupid, and other hurtful things you feel bad saying and can never take back. 😩 Now I feel bad that I let him control me and win.
This is a hard situation. I am not a therapist but I am human. I confess to having anger management issues and see myself in everything that you have stated above. I started this blog to welcome everyone Christian and non. But I see your email address so I will respond to you on a more spiritual level. Being provoked, cornered, and verbally abused with malicious intent is not healthy. Abusive partners often provoke you to fight back and then mentally twist the situation for reasoning as to why they treat you badly. Baiting you for the response they desire and then assume the role of a victim. It sounds like you have some decisions to make for your sanity and well-being. Easy to say from a distance and not knowing your situation, but you God. In every situation in your life faith applies. Prayer can shut the mouth of an oppressor, stop the attacks with a righteous atmosphere, and prepare you for the attack before it comes. Tap into your Spirit and seek guidance from the one who knows you best. Do not allow yourself to wallow in regret when you know it’s a spiritual attack. But fight a spirit with the spirit, because fighting in your natural depletes you and creates an environment for you to blame yourself. Condemnation is not of God. Forgive yourself and tap into godly wisdom for future responses. There is a way to defend yourself, speak the truth, and make your point without slander or abuse. Train yourself by thinking it out ahead of time. It seems repetitive, so you can pick your future words and avoid past mistakes. Walking in peace when others are not peaceful is a victory for you. But you are not to avoid confronting the truth and submit to the bad character of others.
I write about boundaries, truth, and basic life because it is a struggle. Be strong. Seek wise counsel. Know that there is a serious issue going on here because verbal attacks are issues of the heart and character. We are not perfect, but when in a relationship we must have safe boundaries even when angry. And we have to individually and collectively set rules to guide us in fighting. It seems textbook and unreal but it is helpful. Home is supposed to be your safe place, not your prison. There have to be some changes made and it starts with you. And if your safety is in jeopardy react wisely and seek safety.
After I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is a way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!
Sorry for the trouble. There were issues with the site at the end of last month, and I am finding this message in a spam folder today. I hope the issue has been resolved.