“If you don’t want me; let me go.” This is a term used in abusive relationships. It states that the abused feels powerless and unable to walk away from the abuser. Therefore, pleading for the abuser to spare them the agony of facing their own personal demise by leaving them. Allowing the abused to emotionally detach themselves from their role of enabling their own abuse (by actively participating in a dead-end relationship). They become the abandoned love one instead of the person seeking love from someone who refused to love them properly. But often the plea falls on deaf ears. Why?
- The abused is a benefit to the abuser. The abused is a source of stability, moral, and financial support. Because the abused is generally a good person, have a good heart, good intentions towards the abuser, faithful, loyal, and entered the relationship showing and hoping to receive love. Before the abuser arrived, the abused focused on themselves and strived towards personal goals. This drive to succeed is what attracted the abuser. You see, the abused is not the problem. The problem is the abuser. The abuser is not worthy of what the abused add to their life. Truth be told, the abuser is happy! Masked by compliments and gifts (that quickly end) the abuser weaseled their way into the heart of the abused. They deceitfully manipulated the abused to upgrade themselves. Gaining status, wealth, and material goods from the hands of the abused.
- The abused is manipulated into pledging to never leave. Abusers often make themselves the victim. Sob stories about family and past relationships lure the abused into vowing to never leave the abuser. But in reality the abuser is manipulative, self-satisfying, express degrading behaviors, and people leave them to save themselves. When the mask has been removed. Now, the abused realize the vow to never leave a person that only intends to destroy them is a mistake. Lured into accepting abuse for the sake of honoring their pledge. Trapped in a vicious cycle of being abused while trying effortlessly to prove they are worthy of love. Staying in a relationship that will destroy the very essence of them.
- The abused is used and discarded. The abuser no longer uses manipulation but full abuse. Masterfully stripping away the abused confidence, self-awareness, self-care, and self-esteem. Shifting the abused attention from themselves to the abuser. The abuser no longer hides their true intent, their lack of respect, and their contempt towards the abused. Once the abused is a shell of their former selves, the abuser admits no attraction or care for the diminished version of the person they created. But will torture and torment for the sheer pleasure of it. Only to declare GAME OVER and discard the abused for a new victim. So, the abuser will let eventually let you go; but not until they render you useless for their purposes.
There is good news! If you do not want me; let me go statements can be prevented. Abusers hate independence, inner strength, and strong qualities therefore never release these qualities. Do not allow an abuser to isolate you from friends and family or destroy your independence. Establish clear boundaries, and once the boundaries are disrespected end the relationship. Never make vows to never leave a relationship; but express a desire to stay acknowledging ties can be severed by ill willed actions and deeds. Remain true to yourself while being a good partner in a relationship. No one should ever be expected to lose themselves in a relationship; a healthy relationship helps discover new levels of you. A good partner accepts your difference and encourages your growth. Recognizes that combining their strength with your strength the two becomes a power couple.
Never ignore the red flags. Does the words and character of the person match? If you meet a person with no personal relationships, family, friends, or coworkers that can vouch for their character; it is probably because no one wants to be around them. Abusers can only hide their true feelings for a short time. They may avoid being around you on a consistent basis for fear of exposure. Allow the relationship time to develop and expose personality flaws. Abuse is real and destructive. Watch out for the wolves in sheep clothing! Do not become fascinated with the thought of love to the point of being manipulated into abuse. You are worthy of real love! Be careful and take care of you. And once you feel like saying “If you do not want me; let me go.” LEAVE!
I have a pet peeve that I have not been able outgrow. It is any statement that starts with “they” said. As a child, my daughter used the statement when asking for permission to go out with friend, “They said to ask if I could_______”. I put a blank because I have no clue what else was stated. “They” said would void the entire sentence. I explained to my daughter how much I detest the statement. I even told her to be direct with her request. But she insisted on “they” said, so the answer became no to everything with “they” said in the sentence. But she was a child, deflecting her desires into “they” said hoping I would say yes. With adults the pet peeve worsened. Coworkers that “they” said me would be met with strong unforgettable words. Associates that “they” said me would be ignored as if a child and never became a friend. Family that “they” said me would be warned of my distaste, then ignored, and finally met with strong unforgettable words. And my inner circle knew that I did not care what “they” said and avoided the statement. So why do I deplore “they” said you might ask?
enough to throw the rock, stand there with another, and throw it as well. “They” is hiding their identity. If you have anything worth saying, own it. People who make bold statements need to be identified. My Lorrieism is if you cannot stand by what you speak, you cannot stand for anything. And why be so bold to make a statement then shrug away from rebuttal or consequences. If you are weak at heart maybe silence should be the preferred stance.
Many are gossiping, full of drama, bearers of foolishness. It is pathetic to speak about others business when you can speak on your own. Or is that the problem! “They” do not have any business worth discussing of their own. Spewing vile comments about others because the gossip of someone else is better than their reality. Surely igniting false opinions and illuminating flaws of others can not bring joy. Or does it?
Because they never gained enough trust to be a member of your inner circle. I digress.) The point is “they” do not know you. “They” are making superficial or erroneous statements with little to no credibility. My Lorrieism is a statement void of fact is fake news that can be demolished with good character.
I want everyone to win, prosper, and succeed. My heart’s desire is for everyone to be the best them possible. But I will not carry the problems, responsibilities, or life of another human. I feel each person is responsible for their own life choices and happiness. My Lorrieism is the Quicksand Approach. I suggest that individuals move through life at a steady pace. When you feel like your feet are slipping (caught in quicksand), fall backwards.Falling backwards will allow you to free yourself and fully recover. If you are standing and sinking, make slow steady moves backwards while raising your hands. Do not struggle in one place because you will get stuck. And as a last resort float, breathe, and see your way to safety. If your hands are up, I will throw you a lifeline, give advice, and assist you out of situations.
Encouragement is powerful.It provokes others to commit, take a stance, and move towards a decision. I welcome the mission of encouraging others with words of affirmation, and kind deeds. Far too often we think of encouragers from a positive perspective; but encouragement also has a negative side. When encouraging, I do not partake in pity parties, self-blame, or enable failure. The tough lover in me will confront to the point of anger. But when a goal is achieved, I will be right there to celebrate.
I am no stranger to suffering. Honestly, I am more familiar with suffering and surviving than love. I recognize hidden pain, and long for broken people to become whole. But I am not drawn in by sob stories with no suggested solutions. I will not be emotionally lured in and drained by dead end situations. I am strong! And I will assist with looking beyond the failures of life towards overcoming. But if you simply want a listening ear, you must talk to someone else.
Solicitors dream of me. I give from my heart, and it is a joy. Although I give, it is not merely because I was asked; it is because I recognize a need. I am not a bank, and my money does not grow on trees- I earn it. Being that I earn it, I also choose how to disperse it. I will not repeatedly supply the needs of others. And I do not support luxuries. Luxuries are extras, and if you cannot maintain the lifestyle desired financial adjustments and/or discipline is needed.
My heart has been broken, and I have been disappointed. Yet, I choose to live in forgiveness. I have learned that an unforgiving heart causes personal affliction and self- destruction. Although I forgive, I will end a toxic relationship. My Lorrieism is that forgiveness is detaching from a toxic relationship by attaching to freedom.