Things to Consider Before Asking Someone's Opinion

My Lorrieism about opinions is that an opinion is how a person feels that very moment. Opinions aren’t eternal because they are subject to change. And the same situation may receive a different opinion, depending on the person asking the question. Therefore, I believe opinions should start with a basic premise. Opinions are based on what the individual believes. The individual may not know anything about the subject matter, facts aren’t a requirement, and the individual may not deal with any consequences that may occur from you following their opinion.

But if you insist on an opinion anyway keep in mind a few do’s and don’ts. We will start with the do.

Do try your very best to receive an opinion from someone with knowledge and experience on the subject. Warning! Some of this is petty, but it’s how I feel.

- - I do not want weight loss tips from someone larger than me. (I also don’t want them teaching my exercise class.) I need to see that you are practicing what you preach. You can be on a weight loss journey and show me pictures of where you were as proof that you are moving in the right direction. But don’t weigh more than me and offer me an opinion.
  - I do not want hair growth tips from someone whose hair is shorter than mine. Unless they have proof that in their adult life, they had hair. I want to know hair length is a choice for them not a lifestyle. I will accept aging issues and/or health issues as a disclaimer.
  - I do not want child rearing opinions from someone with bad children… self-explanatory.
  - I do not want financial opinions from someone broke…. self-explanatory.
  - I will accept house buying opinions from someone in an apartment while house searching.

My Lorrieism is that knowledge and experience are good qualifiers for good opinions. I want opinions from someone with some skin in the game. Someone who’s been there and done that. Success isn’t a requirement because some of the best lessons happen in our failures. But the knowledge and experience gained can be golden nuggets to assist someone else.

2. Do try to receive your opinion from someone who is honest with you.

1. - You don’t need to be pacified. You need an open and honest view into a situation that has caused concern or confusion. Choose wisely because there are people in your life that lean from too strict to too lenient and you need to do your due diligence by seeking the correct person.
  - Disqualify all frenemies and peepers. There are times in our lives when we entertain folk that are not supportive but spectators. Leave them out of all opinions concerning your life. Opinions from someone who really don’t care for you is a recipe for disaster. (why you have these people in your life will have to be another discussion).
  - And then there are those that love us, but there’s an underlying competitiveness within them that makes them want to be greater. Leave them out of the opinions as well. They may love you, but they don’t have the objective opinion needed.

3. Do analyze all opinions before making a final decision.

- - You ultimately will deal with the consequences of your final decision.
  - Have a few of your own thoughts in the forefront of your mind before even asking others’ opinions.

And here is the don’t:

Do not ask for an opinion and then manipulate the answer.

- You are not allowed to ask an opinion and then give the desired reply. That’s manipulation. Manipulation is deceitful and unfair to your listener. At this point, you don’t want an opinion you want a cheering squad, a yes-man, or setting the stage for a shoulder to cry on when or if your decision backfires. And believe it or not that’s okay because it’s your life. But don’t bait someone into thinking you want an opinion and don’t. Simply ask for a non- responsive listening ear; and if you need a long hug after you make your statement, ask.

2. Do not get angry when someone has a complete opposite opinion.

- This is a great opportunity for you to view the situation from a different perspective. This is a broadening of your perspective not an attack.
- If easily offended, please think twice before asking an opinion because there is a chance it will not be the same as yours.
- My Lorrieism is that I am not polished, overly polite, nor proper and neither are my opinions. I am strong-willed, stubborn, unsympathetic yet compassionate, and so are my opinions.

3. Do not ask the opinion of a controller.

- There is a controller in every group, every family, and practically every setting. And we need these people, but not necessarily for opinions. Truth be told as a controller they always have one, but their delivery is often horrible. They control the conversation, bend your words until they have controlled the response, and will make it a personal goal to control the outcome. And to your dismay, they may become offended if you don’t execute their opinion to the fullest. (They are worse than me! I may not tell you what you want to hear, but I will not create a hostile environment).

The takeaway here is opinions are as fickle as the person giving it. Consider the information, the source of information, but after careful consideration follow your own heart. Ultimately you live with your decisions.