As we are approaching Mother’s Day, I would like to give a warm heartfelt THANK YOU to my ex-mother-in-law. Our bond was so strong that she introduced me as her friend. And if someone asked if I were here daughter-in-law she responded, “Yes, she is that too.” Priceless! One of the things I respected most about her was the advice provided to me and her son was from a pure heart. Honestly, I think I relied on and trusted her advice more than he. So, in honor of my ex- mother- in- law I would like to share four lessons learned.
4 Lessons from My Ex-Mother-in-Law
- When giving advice, she always remembered her roles a woman, mother, and wife. She would often start her sentence with, “I am a woman and I know how it feels when _______.” The statement alone comforted me and eased any resistance to her words, because the woman in her identified with the heart of me.
- She also tried to explain the female perspective to her son. Advising her son that and upset and arguing woman meant she still cared. But if a woman ever stopped being upset and arguing then was time to be concerned.
- She also warned her son that being his mother would not make her instantly agree with him and many times she did not.
- Being a wife made it easy for her to give honest advice concerning marriage issues. And being divorced made her a seeker of reconciliation if possible.
- Her advice was not one-sided. Instead of picking sides she took the mediator approach and shared personal examples from her own life. Bringing clarity to both of us with her wealth of knowledge and sometimes shocking honesty.
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- When speaking to me, she spoke from the heart of a mother. The knowledge of her son’s childhood behaviors, family values, and simply knowing her son made her insightful. She was able to connect the dots from a knowledge base that I did not experience with him.
- When speaking to her son, she spoke from the heart of a wife. Expressing how she would feel if presented with the same scenario. Causing him to reflect on how he would like his mother and sister to be received by men.
- Offering financial assistance in times of crisis was her way of eliminating money problems for us as a young couple. With impeccable credit and financial discipline, she was a source of support.
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- What I loved most about her support is she left me out of it. My ex-husband was considered the borrower. If I helped him pay it back it was up to me, but she held him fully responsible for repayment. She did not like to talk about the loan in front of me and was not receiving repayment from my hands.
- Allowing her son to set up a payment plan, but business was business. When he established a payment schedule, she wanted her money. But I do not think she ever accepted full repayment. She received an ample amount of the money back and then released him from the debt.
- When our marriage was over, she continued to extend her friendship and wished me well. This act touched me the most. Knowing that she had great influence in my life, she accepted the finality of my marriage to her son without interference. There was sadness as she knew the ending of the marriage would affect our relationship as well. But the woman in her rose to the occasion as she expressed more wisdom. Explaining to me that the pain of a lost marriage is great in the beginning, but in time the pain would lessen. She encouraged me to not give up on love, and once healed to try again.
There were many lessons learned from my ex-mother-in-law, and this would become a novel if I told them all. In a world where many mother/ daughter- in-law relationships are strained; I have to say that I had an awesome mother-in-law. In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to take this moment to say AMAE I continue to love and miss you dearly.
