Category: Holidays

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Easter

Celebrating Easter with my best friend, godchildren, great godchildren, and my sweetie pie was a joy!

Easter Baskets for the children. And my bestie loves to decorate so I must share some of these lovely pillows.

 

 

 

 

There was an egg hunt for the great godchildren.

 

 

 

 

 

Treats created by my best friend and great godchildren

 

 

 

 

 

And food for all.

And to top it off a visit to the Memory Loss Center with my sweetie pie added more beautiful decorations, with beautiful onsite flowers, and of course, I had to bring flowers for her room.

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Lessons from My Ex-Mother- in- Law

 

As we are approaching Mother’s Day, I would like to give a warm heartfelt THANK YOU to my ex-mother-in-law. Our bond was so strong that she introduced me as her friend. And if someone asked if I were here daughter-in-law she responded, “Yes, she is that too.” Priceless! One of the things I respected most about her was the advice provided to me and her son was from a pure heart. Honestly, I think I relied on and trusted her advice more than he. So, in honor of my ex- mother- in- law I would like to share four lessons learned.

4 Lessons from My Ex-Mother-in-Law

  • When giving advice, she always remembered her roles a woman, mother, and wife. She would often start her sentence with, “I am a woman and I know how it feels when _______.” The statement alone comforted me and eased any resistance to her words, because the woman in her identified with the heart of me.
    • She also tried to explain the female perspective to her son. Advising her son that and upset and arguing woman meant she still cared. But if a woman ever stopped being upset and arguing then was time to be concerned.
    • She also warned her son that being his mother would not make her instantly agree with him and many times she did not.
    • Being a wife made it easy for her to give honest advice concerning marriage issues. And being divorced made her a seeker of reconciliation if possible.
  1. Her advice was not one-sided. Instead of picking sides she took the mediator approach and shared personal examples from her own life. Bringing clarity to both of us with her wealth of knowledge and sometimes shocking honesty.
    • When speaking to me, she spoke from the heart of a mother. The knowledge of her son’s childhood behaviors, family values, and simply knowing her son made her insightful. She was able to connect the dots from a knowledge base that I did not experience with him.
    • When speaking to her son, she spoke from the heart of a wife. Expressing how she would feel if presented with the same scenario. Causing him to reflect on how he would like his mother and sister to be received by men.
  1. Offering financial assistance in times of crisis was her way of eliminating money problems for us as a young couple. With impeccable credit and financial discipline, she was a source of support.
    • What I loved most about her support is she left me out of it. My ex-husband was considered the borrower. If I helped him pay it back it was up to me, but she held him fully responsible for repayment. She did not like to talk about the loan in front of me and was not receiving repayment from my hands.
    • Allowing her son to set up a payment plan, but business was business. When he established a payment schedule, she wanted her money. But I do not think she ever accepted full repayment. She received an ample amount of the money back and then released him from the debt.
  1. When our marriage was over, she continued to extend her friendship and wished me well. This act touched me the most. Knowing that she had great influence in my life, she accepted the finality of my marriage to her son without interference. There was sadness as she knew the ending of the marriage would affect our relationship as well. But the woman in her rose to the occasion as she expressed more wisdom. Explaining to me that the pain of a lost marriage is great in the beginning, but in time the pain would lessen. She encouraged me to not give up on love, and once healed to try again.

There were many lessons learned from my ex-mother-in-law, and this would become a novel if I told them all. In a world where many mother/ daughter- in-law relationships are strained; I have to say that I had an awesome mother-in-law. In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to take this moment to say AMAE I continue to love and miss you dearly.

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No New Year Resolution

I am not a New Year resolution fan. The failure rate is a turn off to me. And although I do not make resolutions, I admit to trying and failing before deciding not to partake. I had an epiphany that random list of desires does not hold my attention. This evolved into small steps accumulating into long term goals being accomplished.

Example, I used to weigh 420lbs.  I made personal changes, then had the weight loss surgery, and my best weight was 185. Never reaching my initial goal of 175. Will I get there! Who knows but the goal is established?  To attain the goal, I chip away at it 5lbs at a time. When I reach a sustained 5lb or less then I gravitate to the next 5lbs. This keeps me on track and establish a boundary  not allowing weight gain to become an excuse.

Here is How I accomplish my long-term goals:

  • Set a Goal– A goal should not be unattainable, but a challenge. Careful consideration is needed because the goal should never change. All changes leading to the achieved goal are personal ones, but never the goal itself. At 420lbs all I wanted was to lose weight. Realistically losing weight is too broad of a goal, and I set a goal weight of 175lbs. To this day, I have no idea how or why 175lbs became the goal. But once I set the goal, I have never changed it.

 

  • Implement a Plan– At 420lbs walking was a challenge. So, I decided to begin with a food reduction. One week into my plan, I was sitting in a restaurant crying because I could not have the desired meal. I quickly recognized this as a set up for failure and decided to remove two food items loved dearly. My daily large bag of peanut M&M’s and two-liter Pepsi (I have not indulged in dark chocolate or carbonated drinks since). This was a power move that allowed me to eat everything else desired. I replaced the Pepsi with water and loss 20lbs in a month. I then switched fried meats for baked meats, more veggies, and less starch. Later removed bread, started exercising on the Gazelle (showing my age), and a year later I weighed 320lbs.

 

 

  • Revisit and Revise– As I loss weight , I no longer desired the secrecy of my own four walls. I joined the Y for a community of weight loss hopefuls. I received encouragement, exercise  and eating tips enhancing my weight loss journey. My job relocated and so did my gym. Big mistake! I injured my back attempting an inappropriate age and physical ability tactic. Leading to a cycle of pain, healing, and weight gain. 5 years post injury and weighing 220lbs; I began to search for pain management assistance to get myself back on track. I am no longer doing any PX-90 moves, but I am losing weight by dancing.  I am currently 195lbs (which is not a lot of weight loss), but I had to devise a plan that would limit pain. With  slow progression, I now exercise Monday, Tuesday, rest on Wednesday, exercise Thursday, Friday, and rest on weekends. This seems to work and lessen back pain. I will add another day of exercise or strength training later.

 

My 2021 goal is to continue the path to 175lbs. I will celebrate the 10th Anniversary since the weight loss surgery. And would love to begin planning skin removal. I would like to have the surgery this year, but a more realistic date will be decided after a consult. Before consult, I am aiming to weigh 185lbs this year. I am basing this on menopause, arthritis pain, and exercise routines structured around health and previous injuries. It would be a joy to weigh 175lbs by the end of the year, but realistically I have not weighed 185lbs in 8 years and finally under 200lbs in over 5 years. Over the last 6 months I lost about 25lbs. I am encouraged (many are gaining the corona 15)! But I am beginning to stabilize requiring another change in caloric intake and/or exercise adjustment. I will figure it out. What I enjoy most about not having a New Year Resolution is there is no failure only recalculations.

 

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Eating Santa’s Cookies

 

On Christmas Eve we have a Pajama Jammie Jam. This allows my inner circle to exchange gifts with each other in one location. There is something for everyone to enjoy at the Pajama Jammie Jam. We eat, drink, play games, paint, build gingerbread houses, dance, take pictures in our pajamas, and of course exchange gifts.

This year my great-goddaughter is 3 years old and able to appreciate the festivities. (I call her queen of the stink face; because she has the most expressive face especially when aggravated.) We were winding down the event and hoping for a smooth transition from party to bed. When my great-godchildren started a conversation about Santa’s cookies. Being their GiGi, I did what any self-respecting GiGi would do. I agitated the situation. So, I say, “If you leave cookies out, I am coming to your house and eating them.” Just the right thing to start some trouble.

I am fully engrossed in a “No you not!” great-godchildren in unison. Reply from me, “Oh yes I am!” tit for tat battle. The parents began pleading for their children to not get riled up, explaining that I do not have a key to their homes. As I respond, “If he can get in, I can get in too.” The laughing parents are now petrified their children may never fall asleep. When I am attacked by a three-year-old.

It started with a stink face from across the room; and then my great-goddaughter leaps to her feet and run towards me. She climbs into my lap with fire in her eyes, grabs my cheeks so that I am staring her eyeball to eyeball, points in my face and yells “If you eat Santa’s cookies, I am going to call you the Cookie Girl!” Fight over! The entire room erupts into uncontrollable laughter, as I promise not to eat Santa’s cookies.

Yeah, I ate the cookies later but that is what Cookie Girls do.

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Enjoying The Spirit of Christmas

 

 

It has been about 10 years since I graceful bowed out of the intense commercialism of the Christmas Holidays.  I was going through a divorce and reevaluating my finances as a single woman. When it dawned on me that Christmas is expensive, and it would benefit me greatly to skip buying presents. During the Thanksgiving Holiday, I made the announcement to my inner circle that Christmas was not in the budget. I apologized if anyone would be disappointed and stated that I would reconsider it later. My inner circle was kind. They stated that I had been more than gracious over the years, and I add so much more to their lives than Christmas gifts.

Although I was not shopping, I desired to visit the Malls and shopping centers. It was wonderful. Instead of frantically searching for gifts, I was calmly strolling. I admired the decorations that I obviously overlooked for years. I sat on a bench near Santa’s Village and laughed hysterically at the pictures being snapped. The sleeping babies, crying toddlers, family portraits, the tidying of hair and clothes, and all the preparation that goes into the perfect picture was entertaining. So entertaining that I visited all the Santa Villages near me for the sheer delight.

Christmas carols, candy canes, trees, wreaths, nativity scenes, and the Spirit of Christmas became alive. I visited neighboring towns Christmas Tree Lighting Festivals. Enjoying apple cider, train rides with my great godson, and huddling with the inner circle for body heat. I traveled to highly publicized light shows and gazed at the millions of lights in awe. Volunteered at Toys for Tots drives, attended fundraisers, banquets, and charitable benefits. Never did I ever imagine all that I was missing from Black Friday to December 24th.  Because my full attention was placed on my Christmas List.

Needless- to- say, I never returned to my annual Christmas List. I found something so much more fulfilling. Not only does the Spirit of Christmas make my heart smile; it has added adventure to my life as I search for new ways to enjoy it.

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