I want to start with a confession: As a parent, I viewed obedience wrong. I took the position that obedience was solely a means to discipline disobedience. As a disciplinary, I didn’t always model the behavior that I demanded of my child. A diehard “do as I say do, not as I do” rule of thumb was followed; but I no longer agree with this method. My toddler thru preschool child heard “You going to learn little momma, and I am going to teach you”. In preteen thru teen, it was “obedience is better than sacrifice”. Ending with the preadult to young adult threat of “same thing make you laugh will make you cry”. All followed by punishment and revoked privileges. Total failure!
Children often imitate adults and are smarter than we tend to realize. Teaching self-discipline gives our children an incentive for change. I should have explained the concept of self-discipline as controlling one’s emotions and temptations creating victory. Exploring the advantages of self-discipline as powerful, character building, and provoking more obedience rather rebellion. Children are not our equals, they should obey, and they may if we teach first and discipline second. (I am patting myself on the back right now. Reformed is she). I jokingly but meaning every word of it state “My generation are the children that the child abuse laws were created for.” Our parents were tough! Women were working, men were no longer the bread winner and supreme household authority, boys were returning from the war as men, and drugs was the feel-good remedy of the day. And one wrong word from a child was cause for an unforgettable whipping (well for the obedient children, but I was disobedient receiving a few lashes as incentive to learn). So, if you grew up in the school of hard knocks this may be a bit intolerable, but please hear me out.
Lorrieism: If we are obedient adults, then we are equipped to model and teach obedience to our children while removing punishment as the greatest denominator. Obedience should be geared towards the rewards of self-discipline; empowering our children to obey rather than rebel. Because self-discipline is a key to a happier life. And it starts with a child obeying their parents. After obedience is established in the home it transitions to grandparents, extended family, neighbors, teachers, and other authoritative figures. We fail our children when we overlook enforcing obedience; as well as telling them that children are to be seen and not heard. Laughing at a toddler’s defiant NO! is laying the foundation for disrespect of parents and all others. This is not to lean back into hard knock life disciplines because there is balance. Allowing children choices has advantages but should be limited to food, clothing, verbal expressions of feelings- things that support their desire for reasoning, logic, and self-awareness. But rebellion to a direct command is not acceptable, and must be dealt with swiftly, using age appropriate, penalty fitting the crime disciplinary actions. (Hard knock lifers take a deep breath I am almost finished).
Rewards of Self-Discipline:
- Nurtures the concept of a law-abiding citizen.
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- Recapping a progression of obedience discussed earlier. Child obey parents and it transitions to others. One of the others mentioned were authoritative figures. Let’s take it a step further. A child who learns self-discipline not only obey others but because the foundation of obedience has been laid; they are likely to transition into obeying the law as well. Picture your child as a law-abiding citizen when demonstrating to them that it’s not okay to do whatever you like.
- Teaching that personal freedom ends when you jeopardize someone else freedom. You can’t say whatever you feel concerning someone else, you can’t treat people, pets, or property unkind and there are enforceable laws applied to these offenses. And self- discipline assists with establishing these extremely important boundaries.
- Creates a Propensity to Master Temptation.
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- Once self-discipline is applied to a child’s life, it is highly unlikely that they will be lured into being controlled by anything else. Mastery-of- self, promotes mastery of everything. Developing habits of a disciplined life in other areas.
- Financial control with spending, saving, and investing.
- Relationship guide by controlling behavior, temperaments, and treatment of others.
- Weight by controlling cravings, amounts of food eaten, and food choices.
- And any other addictive behavior. Addictions fester in those with lack of self-discipline.
Rarely will any of us perfect every area, but as parents we must do our due diligence to lay the foundation and preparation for a good start. The goal is to provoke thought of diverting teaching obedience from a punishment incentive to a more empowerment incentive. Hoping to promote a less rebellious response by encouraging self-discipline. Embracing a lifestyle of discipline that leads to wiser choices, preventing suffering the consequences of bad choices, and presenting our children with the tools to lead future generations by example. I admit this may be wishful thinking on my part, but I have watched many children and concluded that pass practices are not working. So, the next time your little angel is disobeying, remember all the wonderful opportunities you are allowing them to miss.
My Lorrieism is that knowledge and experience are good qualifiers for good opinions. I want opinions from someone with some skin in the game. Someone who’s been there and done that. Success isn’t a requirement because some of the best lessons happen in our failures. But the knowledge and experience gained can be golden nuggets to assist someone else.
when I discover I can’t trust someone that I have allowed into my personal space. Relationships are freedom based. I want to freely speak, freely love, and genuinely care. That’s not possible without trust. I will accept your ugly truth and reject your beautiful lies every time.
